FWD
God bless the dude who invented internet. This really is a big thing. With other words: How am I supposed to do nothing without it?! Exactly!!! For everything I need, I ask my best pal- internet. For any source of information, for every assignment, last episodes from my favorite shows…. You connect with some reason, you find all the information you need, and after finishing the work continue to nowhere, just with no reason. I’m simply addicted to it. I start to get worried about myself, I might get chair shaped ass from sitting in front of my lap top.
The prove of my internet addiction is my e-mail. Millions newsletters a day. Who knows on how many blogs I enroll daily?! Starting from Amazon product discounts, trough daily horoscopes, some people even get weekly reports from Sarah Ferder – the future predictor- not me, Chrystal ball answers, yahoo movies, XXX hot news, Viagra and similar sexual stimulant offers… simply offering everything, chicken milk is missing to be completed. From time to time I become 2 million dollar winner for being 999 999 visitor of the page, information about lottery winning ticket with prize of 20 000 000 $ – and I don’t even need to buy the ticket. Even nice people from Africa, this is the best, real phenomena mails: My husband died, I have 50 000 000 000 $. Would you like to accept those on your account, I’ll transfer to you 5 per cent?! And I do not know the reason why she trusts me?! Wow. My mail is faster in receiving letters than the fastest car. My inbox minimum a day is 100, so don’t even ask about my Bulk folder. .If I forgot to clean it 3 days, 1200 bulk mails, waiting to be deleted. Rarely to get some important mail, or mail from a friend. Excluding the ones from Merry, she moves so often, so every 2nd month I get attachments of pictures with her new apartment. All the rest of it, more or less, it is all newsletters, pure advertising and my favorite ones… I forgot to mention, when it comes to mails, most wanted, and most excited I get when I receive FWD mail. I admit, those are the top of the iceberg. Most people count them as junk mail, but for me, precious or fortune. First thing I see subject: Fwd>Fwd>Fwd> Read it!!!…. I ignore all the others, directly focusing on that one. Kind of addicted to them. Sometimes, when I get bored, and when I mange to break into my friend’s mail, and see that she/he has received and didn’t forwarded it to me?! I get pissed off. How can people be so stupid, and not willing to read and forward it?! They are named Forward mails to be kept only for you?!!! Selfish friends. They are not giving me new opportunities for making new wishes. And I’m in that development period, when I’d be glad to solve career, apartment, car, by wishing only. Nor Santa might help me. Gosh, I can not believe it. No, I’m not that kind of bustard. I give equal opportunities to all the people, not stigmatizing in age range, skin color or level of education. Plus, by forwarding it, I’m showing respect to the one who have forwarded the mail to me, because I know how many troubles he/she has been trough. Starting from donations for African kids- I never donate, but at least I read it, trough, Love explanations and Indian love stimulant thoughts… Best friend quotes, you don’t even want to imagine how many times I’ve received the one with the old man and his dog… including even those the Microsoft petition, send it to as much as more and you’ll get paid 150 $ per mail- I never did, maybe because on my private mail my First and Last name are not correctly written so they can’t find me to give the cash to me. Ok, only Chinese life stories are being ignored, it is not that they are not well and pathetically written, but I still think that I’m brave enough to get touched by that shit… All the rest is welcomed… So, as long as I have once less favorite, here comes and the ones I like the best. You get the mail, subject already you know: Fwd>Fwd>Fwd> Check this out! You open the mail, and simply fall on the ground from the abstract of the mail. Sort of like reading to introduction of Cinderella: Once upon a time, there was a girl in Chicago. The girl lived alone, and used to have a simple job that she didn’t like it at all. As much as she tries, the worse the situation gets. She brakes up with her boyfriend, she never gets invited to the interview….The years were crossing by, and no changes have been made. Not until one sunny day in Chicago. The girl went to work, she opened thee mail and got… Guess what? She got the mail that now is available on my computer, and after receiving that mail, her life has changed a lot in the universe’s easiest way. All she has done for the changes was: read the mail, in the middle of the mail, in the beginning of the blank part, she closed her eyes, and in 15 sec she made a wish. According to the mail, the wish should come true in 15-25 min, maximum to 24 hours. Look at that, how people are solving the problems in the life. So, as long as the girl from Chicago is not my friend, who means she forwarded the mail to as much as possible people, now I have the opportunity for the wish. I have tried, and tried, and still trying but the wish never comes true. Maybe, because we live in one modern society, so even when it comes to making a wish, some requirements have to be accomplished. Not College degree and CV letter but other easier stuff. I do not care if they are harder or easier, it is requirements we are talking about. So even when it comes to wish, you start having some problems: 1. As I mentioned, I’m in the part of life, when I haven’t made strong decision about my life integrations, so before I make the wish, I have to think which is most important from all 350. 2nd, before I make the wish, I need to fill my address book with min 50 names, those are the requirements If you don’t send this mail to 25 people in next 20 min, the wish falls and you will die!!! – and I don’t even have 1/3 of the required mails, in that 1/3, 1/3 belongs to hosting companies I’m interested to enroll in, and if a company is a hosting as well, it means it has stabile economic environment, so the boss is not interested in FWD mail, because his wish has already came true – to own that company I guess?! How am I supposed to be relaxed after these strong traumatic finish lines in the mail?! Gosh, even for a wish?! In other hand, I understand the time limits; it is like going to a gipsy predictor. First we make lovely conversation about your private life, after that you give her 250 dollars and she tells you all she knows about your life. And this is free, so still it worth to try.
So, now I have my wish and I have improved my keyboard knowladge on higher level as well – finding 25 people that know you in only 10 min. The wish is made, and …. 4 min and 25 sec. the 25 mails were sent. All was considered in accordance of the deadline. Now I can relax with one cigarette break, and wait for 15-25 min until the wish comes true. Is a Ferry supposed to come out of my DVD r/w?! Ok, this is joke?! 15 min have passed, 25 min, 24 hours… I understand that the Ferry has a lot’s of work this month. Appearing in minimum 25 000 DVD r/s, but did she forget me at all?! I won’t take much of her time, all I need is to appear, wave with the magic wood and she can go on with her DVD trip. Does she mind that I have lap top from 2004?! No, Good Ferry is Good Ferry and she does equal opportunity to all as well. May be is not her problem, may be the problem is in me. I always open my personal mail on Saturdays, at the noon. My wishes are mostly for career development. Until I make the wish, send the mail, 25 min – by requirements… it came 16 30. Maybe, HR manager reads my mail, but in time when the office is supposed to be closed. On her way home she thinks to call me first thing on Monday, but I guess she is the weekend person, and she/he gets drunk so until Monday forgets about me….
Forget the FWD mail, when is next job fair so I can look for mouthing serious?!
